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| Mindset is like a river |
We often think getting "better" means making our "self" stronger – learning more, earning more, showing how good we are. But what if the real path to a truly better you is found by gently letting go of that very "self"? "A Better You Without Self" isn't about disappearing; it's a deep look at who we think we are and how that plays into everything we do, whether we're alone or with others.
At the heart of this idea is what we can call the "Me-Story" – all the thoughts, names, and tales we tell ourselves about who we are. This "Me-Story" can push us to do great things, helping us find our spot in the world. But it can also be like a heavy chain. When we only do things to get praise, to feel important, or to keep up a certain look, we shrink what's possible. Fear of messing up, the sting of a harsh word, or always needing to prove ourselves can stop new ideas, block real connections, and keep us from taking good chances.
Think about what we can do when the "Me-Story" steps back. When we dive fully into a task – like painting a picture, solving a tricky puzzle at work, or simply helping a neighbor – and the "I" fades away, we often find a hidden well of ability. This is like being in a flow state, where things just click. We perform well not because we're trying to be "the best," but because the doing itself is all that matters. In these moments, who we are melts into what we're doing. The artwork isn't just about the artist; the answer isn't just about the person who found it. They simply are.
Going with the River
This way of letting go reminds us of a wise old saying: Prof. LH Munango once said, "Life is like a river, it flows on its own." This simple picture tells us to let go of the tight grip the "Me-Story" often wants. When we fight the natural push of life, trying to bend everything to our will, we waste a lot of energy for little gain. But when we go with the flow, like a leaf on a gentle current, we can move through hard times more easily. We trust that new paths will appear without us always needing to force them.
And how we act with others is deeply shaped by whether our "Me-Story" is loud or quiet. When we talk with people without needing to impress them, control them, or always be right, real friendships bloom. We understand others better, working together feels smooth, and arguments feel less personal. A leader who helps others, rather than just seeking power, often gets more loyalty and better results. A friend who truly listens, without judging, gives true support. These bonds are richer, built on realness, not on the roles we feel we must play.
Stepping away from the tight box of the "Me-Story" doesn't mean we become lazy or lose our special spark. Instead, it lets us have a wider, more flexible, and stronger sense of who we are. It changes our focus from "what does this mean for me?" to "what needs to be done?" or "how can I help?" This freedom from always judging ourselves frees up huge amounts of energy. We can then use it for our true purpose, to help others, and to simply be fully in the moment.
In the end, "A Better You Without Self" is about finding a lighter, more powerful way to live. It suggests that true growth comes from shaking off the limits of a small "self." This lets us join in more fully with the world, connect more truly with others, and find a deeper, lasting happiness – one that goes far beyond just what we gain for ourselves.
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